'Dude why don't you hand me the right end I'm bumping dicks on this 2fer.'
'Might help if you were plugging into the right end.'
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Mountain Bikes?!
Having dealt one on one with this individual for the last three days. I feel it is time to share some quotes from him followed by what in a perfect world, I could have said back to him.
In reference to the ME yelling jokingly at an employee:
"You know, he should really blow off his meeting and go mountain bike riding with me this afternoon. He wouldn't be so angry."
Yeah, then at least it would be genuine anger...
Standing looking at an electric another electrician is cabling:
"Well... I'm just not dealing with this mess."
Good. I'd hate for my electric to look like yours.
Standing on the deck watching electrician dropping cable from the midrail:
"You've got a little slack coming back into it. Would you like to know a trick for that."
The strain relief I'm in the process of tying?
My actual reply: "Nope, I'm good."
A minute later he appears on the midrail, having left his project below unattended to try and show me how to tie a trucker's hitch, claiming "it's really cool."
Pulling instruments off the grid in a decrepit theatre:
"It's been a while since I've been up on a ladder at a call. In New York we used ladders all the time."
Oh my God! You used ladders in New York? Why hadn't we thought of that yet?!
"What are you screwing into?"
"Drywall..."
"Well it doesn't really matter what length screw you use."
Yeah, until you hit the metal support behind the drywall...
"Why isn't this cable labeled?"
Cause it's not plugged into anything yet?
In reference to the ME yelling jokingly at an employee:
"You know, he should really blow off his meeting and go mountain bike riding with me this afternoon. He wouldn't be so angry."
Yeah, then at least it would be genuine anger...
Standing looking at an electric another electrician is cabling:
"Well... I'm just not dealing with this mess."
Good. I'd hate for my electric to look like yours.
Standing on the deck watching electrician dropping cable from the midrail:
"You've got a little slack coming back into it. Would you like to know a trick for that."
The strain relief I'm in the process of tying?
My actual reply: "Nope, I'm good."
A minute later he appears on the midrail, having left his project below unattended to try and show me how to tie a trucker's hitch, claiming "it's really cool."
Pulling instruments off the grid in a decrepit theatre:
"It's been a while since I've been up on a ladder at a call. In New York we used ladders all the time."
Oh my God! You used ladders in New York? Why hadn't we thought of that yet?!
"What are you screwing into?"
"Drywall..."
"Well it doesn't really matter what length screw you use."
Yeah, until you hit the metal support behind the drywall...
"Why isn't this cable labeled?"
Cause it's not plugged into anything yet?
Before you say I don't see what the problem is...
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Well, I'm happy I quit. Judging by how mad/shaken our special snowflake was when I quit (and he didn't accept my two weeks, either, which makes me a sad donkey), it was a good way to sick it to them. I'd be really unhappy if I were still working there. I'm not putting up with his shit any longer, unlike his buddies.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Freedom from Stupidity
Ah the sweet life, the good life, free from all cares, woes and worries, but not, unfortunately, stupid people. Yes, stupid people, the ever-present menace, the true cause of almost everything that is, well, stupid. The Kennedy Assassination? Stupid people (Oswald was no rocket scientist), the guys keeping it going all theses years by writing books based on the tie JFK wore that day in Dallas? Stupid people. The Iraq War? Started by stupid people for stupid reasons to prove a stupid philosophy. Just plain stupid. I think, even more than the usual worries of finances, love and sex (okay, and religion for all you christians out there) we all seek freedom from the clutching, vise grip of stupid people. To spend a life, maybe even just a month, a week, a secret, coveted moment without having to answer to, bow and scrape to, smile and nod at and agree with, stupid people would truly be heaven. It would make things so much easier.
But how do stupid have so much sway over us? How do they get the chance to affect us, to bother and annoy us, to have power over us? How?
Some of it is our own fault.
Think about it. We all do it, we do it everyday mostly just to get by, to get around arguments, to keep a job or out of pure tiredness, choosing not to fight or point out dumbness and pure cussed stupidity, but to pass it by and say nothing. It's easier to ignore it, but at our own future peril.
This is what they want you to do. They want you to go along, to pass them by, pay them no attention...this is how they get in, this is how they find their way deep inside and this is how they take over. The creeping stupidness takes over, soaking in, wrapping itself around power and decaying everything it touches, killing reason and sense, taking away intelligence and replacing it with nonsense rules used only to trip up people too smart to believe someone would be stupid enough to enforce stupid rules. This is what they do.
Be on the lookout...be ever vigilant...watch the skies...and beware!
Of stupid people.
But how do stupid have so much sway over us? How do they get the chance to affect us, to bother and annoy us, to have power over us? How?
Some of it is our own fault.
Think about it. We all do it, we do it everyday mostly just to get by, to get around arguments, to keep a job or out of pure tiredness, choosing not to fight or point out dumbness and pure cussed stupidity, but to pass it by and say nothing. It's easier to ignore it, but at our own future peril.
This is what they want you to do. They want you to go along, to pass them by, pay them no attention...this is how they get in, this is how they find their way deep inside and this is how they take over. The creeping stupidness takes over, soaking in, wrapping itself around power and decaying everything it touches, killing reason and sense, taking away intelligence and replacing it with nonsense rules used only to trip up people too smart to believe someone would be stupid enough to enforce stupid rules. This is what they do.
Be on the lookout...be ever vigilant...watch the skies...and beware!
Of stupid people.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Putting the 'Ha' in Harassment II
'The problem is people are afraid to grab it.'
'Yeah I got that problem too.'
'Yeah I got that problem too.'
Monday, August 10, 2009
Putting the 'Ha' in Harassment
Response to the question 'with the hang being under contract, how does Gel Bookie join or be able to work that?'
Pull some strings and slip her in the backdoor?
Pull some strings and slip her in the backdoor?
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Reponses to Questions III
Seeing a guy bent over the balcony rail messing with a projector.
'Oh no don't tell me there's a problem with the projector?'
'SHUT THE FUCK UP!'
'Oh no don't tell me there's a problem with the projector?'
'SHUT THE FUCK UP!'
Friday, August 7, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Response to Question II
'Take that around the other way'
'You mean the way it'll actually fit?'
'Hey. No reason to get sarcastic, bro.'
'You mean the way it'll actually fit?'
'Hey. No reason to get sarcastic, bro.'
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Think you're a technician?
Take this test and find out!
When dealing with difficult clients you should?
A) Be courteous and polite.
B) Explain to them that you are the Antichrist.
C) Say “ That’s just not possible “
D) Never talk to clients.
When removing lights from the catwalks you should?
A) Say “ We don’t have any of those up here “
B) Drop them; most things in a theatre are indestructible.
C) Use a rope and a buddy
D) Use a minimum of 4 technicians
When extracting a hot lamp from a lighting instrument you should?
A) Wait for the light to cool.
B) Pull out quickly and drop the lamp to the ground.
C) Use your shirt.
D) Both B and C
When lowering a batten onstage you should?
A) Try and hit people on stage.
B) Try and hit actors on stage.
C) Wait for a blackout.
D) Call out the line-set number.
When on headset during a standby you should?
A) Use the restroom.
B) Remain silent.
C) Pretend you have Tourette’s syndrome.
D) Glare at the actors.
E) Sing dirty lyrics
When hanging scenery flats overstage you should?
A) Have at least 2 points of contact.
B) Both A and C.
C) Remove the weight from the line-set.
D) Stand beneath the flats for safety.
When operating a spotlight you should always?
A) Drink alcohol.
B) Make laser gun sounds.
C) Have at least one hand on the spotlight.
D) Be naked.
E) Talk loudly
When collapsing the A frame ladder you should?
A) Stand beneath it for safety.
B) Use a minimum of 4 techs.
C) Tip it over first – on yourself preferably.
D) Never collapse the A frame ladder.
E) Tell the client it doesn’t collapse and that it will have to stay erect
When moving the A frame while someone is on it you should?
A) Ride it like a skateboard.
B) Use 2 technicians for stability and mobility.
C) Tap dance on it.
D) Never look up.
When the sound board does not work you should?
A) Calmly try to trace the problem
B) Pour beer right into the channels
C) Fart on it
D) Pull the cables out by the cable, not the connector
When installing a new lamp into a fixture you should?
A) Rub the lamp all over your forehead, the grease improves the light output
B) Take extreme care not to touch the new lamp with your fingers
C) Not push the connector all the way in, if it arcs, it will improve light output
D) Put the new lamp in your teeth while removing the old one
When Steve mentions the words “important safety tip” followed by something completely obvious you should?
A) Talk back
B) Tell him to fuck off and to do it himself
C) Take it like a bitch and apologize and mumble something about how you forgot
D) Tell your fellow work buddies how much of an douchebag he is while on a smoke break
E) Both C and D
When hanging a light you should?
A) Leave all the bolts loose and remove the “jesus bolt” and then lose it
B) Not put a safety cable on there – that’s the persons focusing job
C) Tie the stagepin connector up so tight that the person focusing can not move it
D) The opposite of A, B and C
When storing spare fixtures you should?
A) Put them in the most obnoxious place possible – a good suggestion is on the catwalk walkway
B) Push in their shutters, tie up their stagepin cable and hang them off the back of the catwalk
C) Leave all the shutters out, and make a domino run of them. Push the first one and watch them fall!
D) Put them right behind the door
When trying to get something bought for the theatre you should?
A) Tell Stephanie we need it and why we need it, then follow up with about 4 emails for a month without a reply until she tells you there are many other things in the theatre that need money spent and why the fuck do we need all of the money
B) Tell Pat we need it and why, and he’ll buy it
C) Buy it without asking because you happened to have Steve or Stephanie’s card in your wallet and you figured they would be cool with it
When purchasing something on a KPC Credit Card you should?
A) Roll a joint with the receipt and smoke that shit
B) Throw the receipt in the garbage can right outside the store
C) Put the card and receipt on Stephanie’s desk with a note for what it is
D) Keep the receipt in a box somewhere
When putting the fogger remote away you should?
A) Put it in the most obscure fucking place possible and then forget about it
B) Put it in the black cabinet next to the fogger
C) Take it home
D) Sell it
When setting up for a show while clients are in the building you should?
A) Put on a parody you made with dirty lyrics
B) Sing a parody you made with dirty lyrics
C) Work quickly and safely
D) Scream “where the FUCK did (name) put that fucking connector”
E) Rip your pants on a choral riser and say “god damn it mother fucker you stupid fucking piece of shit, these fucking pants were fucking brand new you god damn fucking stupid ass piece of shit cunt rag”
When dealing with ethnically/culturally different clients that sometimes say dumb things you should?
A) Not laugh at all the retarded things they say
B) Laugh internally, then tell those quotes for about 7 months past the event
C) Say “it’s called gravity”
D) Walk away
When you totally screw up a cue you should?
1. Probably go kill yourself
2. Relax and realize next time to approach it better
3. Cry to the stage manager
4. Go be emo
When dealing with difficult clients you should?
A) Be courteous and polite.
B) Explain to them that you are the Antichrist.
C) Say “ That’s just not possible “
D) Never talk to clients.
When removing lights from the catwalks you should?
A) Say “ We don’t have any of those up here “
B) Drop them; most things in a theatre are indestructible.
C) Use a rope and a buddy
D) Use a minimum of 4 technicians
When extracting a hot lamp from a lighting instrument you should?
A) Wait for the light to cool.
B) Pull out quickly and drop the lamp to the ground.
C) Use your shirt.
D) Both B and C
When lowering a batten onstage you should?
A) Try and hit people on stage.
B) Try and hit actors on stage.
C) Wait for a blackout.
D) Call out the line-set number.
When on headset during a standby you should?
A) Use the restroom.
B) Remain silent.
C) Pretend you have Tourette’s syndrome.
D) Glare at the actors.
E) Sing dirty lyrics
When hanging scenery flats overstage you should?
A) Have at least 2 points of contact.
B) Both A and C.
C) Remove the weight from the line-set.
D) Stand beneath the flats for safety.
When operating a spotlight you should always?
A) Drink alcohol.
B) Make laser gun sounds.
C) Have at least one hand on the spotlight.
D) Be naked.
E) Talk loudly
When collapsing the A frame ladder you should?
A) Stand beneath it for safety.
B) Use a minimum of 4 techs.
C) Tip it over first – on yourself preferably.
D) Never collapse the A frame ladder.
E) Tell the client it doesn’t collapse and that it will have to stay erect
When moving the A frame while someone is on it you should?
A) Ride it like a skateboard.
B) Use 2 technicians for stability and mobility.
C) Tap dance on it.
D) Never look up.
When the sound board does not work you should?
A) Calmly try to trace the problem
B) Pour beer right into the channels
C) Fart on it
D) Pull the cables out by the cable, not the connector
When installing a new lamp into a fixture you should?
A) Rub the lamp all over your forehead, the grease improves the light output
B) Take extreme care not to touch the new lamp with your fingers
C) Not push the connector all the way in, if it arcs, it will improve light output
D) Put the new lamp in your teeth while removing the old one
When Steve mentions the words “important safety tip” followed by something completely obvious you should?
A) Talk back
B) Tell him to fuck off and to do it himself
C) Take it like a bitch and apologize and mumble something about how you forgot
D) Tell your fellow work buddies how much of an douchebag he is while on a smoke break
E) Both C and D
When hanging a light you should?
A) Leave all the bolts loose and remove the “jesus bolt” and then lose it
B) Not put a safety cable on there – that’s the persons focusing job
C) Tie the stagepin connector up so tight that the person focusing can not move it
D) The opposite of A, B and C
When storing spare fixtures you should?
A) Put them in the most obnoxious place possible – a good suggestion is on the catwalk walkway
B) Push in their shutters, tie up their stagepin cable and hang them off the back of the catwalk
C) Leave all the shutters out, and make a domino run of them. Push the first one and watch them fall!
D) Put them right behind the door
When trying to get something bought for the theatre you should?
A) Tell Stephanie we need it and why we need it, then follow up with about 4 emails for a month without a reply until she tells you there are many other things in the theatre that need money spent and why the fuck do we need all of the money
B) Tell Pat we need it and why, and he’ll buy it
C) Buy it without asking because you happened to have Steve or Stephanie’s card in your wallet and you figured they would be cool with it
When purchasing something on a KPC Credit Card you should?
A) Roll a joint with the receipt and smoke that shit
B) Throw the receipt in the garbage can right outside the store
C) Put the card and receipt on Stephanie’s desk with a note for what it is
D) Keep the receipt in a box somewhere
When putting the fogger remote away you should?
A) Put it in the most obscure fucking place possible and then forget about it
B) Put it in the black cabinet next to the fogger
C) Take it home
D) Sell it
When setting up for a show while clients are in the building you should?
A) Put on a parody you made with dirty lyrics
B) Sing a parody you made with dirty lyrics
C) Work quickly and safely
D) Scream “where the FUCK did (name) put that fucking connector”
E) Rip your pants on a choral riser and say “god damn it mother fucker you stupid fucking piece of shit, these fucking pants were fucking brand new you god damn fucking stupid ass piece of shit cunt rag”
When dealing with ethnically/culturally different clients that sometimes say dumb things you should?
A) Not laugh at all the retarded things they say
B) Laugh internally, then tell those quotes for about 7 months past the event
C) Say “it’s called gravity”
D) Walk away
When you totally screw up a cue you should?
1. Probably go kill yourself
2. Relax and realize next time to approach it better
3. Cry to the stage manager
4. Go be emo